Big Bro Noticed

Quote from the older bro today:

E: “Mummy, did you noticed that nowadays Z is more obedient already?”

That remark opened my eyes (and ears)!  Come to think of it, E is right.  Ms Z now seldom says her rebellious ‘why’ as much as she used to.

I thought through what may had did the change.  Probably because:

Take time to explain ‘why’

I make it a point to explain to her more.  Actually I used to do this a lot to E, so much that B from my ABCD gang used to ask me, “why are you explaining so much to E? Does he understand?”  Don’t know why I lost that with Z, but few weeks ago, I started to consistently remind myself to be patient, and explain to her.

Be VERY firm

I reckon Z may be trying to get my attention, but in a negative way.  When the situation doesn’t requires explanation and is part of routine, and this girl ask ‘why’ for the sake of asking, I didn’t talk any more, but give her a very stern look and point my finger at the thing I want her to do, ie, I don’t want to give my attention to her unnecessarily.

Plus, with Z’s strong character, I can’t give in when she scream and yell. The moment I does that, more screaming and yelling will happen over time just so I give her what she wants.

Praise her when she obeys 

I have to be extra aware when she obeys, praise her and give her a good hug and kiss when she does that.  Can see that she is please with that kind of attention given.  What I tried to do was to give her positive attention.

Tell her what to do instead

Again, I used to do this with E, but lost it with Z.  When I have to say “No”, I have to remind myself to give her alternative. 

Example

Here’s a real case when I have to used a combination of some of the pointers above.  Z was coughing and she can’t have Yakult or cold drinks.

Z: Mummy I want the Yakult.

Me: No Z, you can’t.

Z: Why?

Me: You are having a cough now, and drinking Yakult will make you cough more.  Do you want to get well so you can go for your ballet or you want to be sick and stuck at home?

Z: I want to be well and go for my ballet.

Me: So can you drink Yakult?

Z: No.

Me: What about I give you this instead (I gave her the chewable probiotics which she love.)

Z took the probiotics, and after eating it, she still said

Z: But I still want the Yakult.

Me: (Go down to her level, looked at her firmly for a few second, stood up, and than continue with what I was doing.  I refused to answer further since I have already explained, and she understood, plus I have already given the alternative.)

Warning

It takes a lot of internal reminder, and there are lots of time when I blew it.  But, with the fruit reaped, it is certainly worth all the efforts and patience, without shouting, without spanking.