Sunset, Beach, Butterflies, Korean Princess, Smiley Siblings

My 2nd post for the day … Lots of random musings on things around the family this last 1 week.

Butterflies

Bought 2 Leopard Lacewing caterpillars from Oh Chin Huat Farm at Yishun.

The 2 caterpillars

After over 1 week, the first butterfly emerged while the other was still in the chrysalis. After a day, the butterfly looked so weak that we had to set it free. But the wings seemed damaged, and moments after flying, a mynah bird ate it up for breakfast! :”( Both EZ cried buckets!!!

The first butterfly that emerged. Can see the left wing seemed bent.

God is so good. Within minutes after we set free the first butterfly, the 2nd butterfly emerged, which distracted EZ.

The 2nd butterfly. Look at the beautiful wings! The dried chrysalis on the LHS.

By the end of the day, it looked strong enough to be set free. This time round, 6 of us (EZ and I, my niece, nephew and my sis) escorted it all the way to Alexandra Hospital where there is a little garden meant for the butterflies. It flew, flew, flew away. No bird ate it up, but just flew strongly away. Phew!!!

My sis trying to let it go while I snapped

But again, Ms Z was whining whining whining… she was sad that we had to let the butterfly go…

Sunset

Can never wake up early enough for sunrise, sunsets are the next best thing for me to enjoy the wonders of God’s creation.

Beach

Ms Z’s strength – long attention span.  The moment she makes a decision to do something, no matter how long it takes, she will stick by it till it is done.  Except for the cone part, Ms Z did this castle single-handedly, refusing any help from us.

Korean Princess

The Sunday school had an early Children’s Day celebration and the children were asked to dress up in costumes of different race/nation.  Simply love to see her in this:

The GIANT Toothless Smile

This got to be one of my favorite pictures of EZ.  Captured Mr E’s toothless smile perfectly!

Watching the 1st ever F1 night race (on TV)

On Friday night, Mr E was supporting Hamilton.  But by Saturday night, he was cheering for Felipe Massa.  Why?  Cos there is a character in Handy Manny that has the name, Felipe, too.

By now, everyone knows all the mishaps that happened to Massa, and how he came down from No. 1 to all the way No. 13.  And, my dear son was SOOOOOOOOOOO disappointed that he cried! He vowed, “I will never watch another F1 race anymore!”

He was really really disappointed.  Doesn’t help that the driver that I was cheering for went on to win the race So Mr E was sulking big time.

Tried to counsel him that in life, disappointments and failures are inevitable. It is what we do with these hiccups in life that will make us true winners.  Well, as of this morning, he was still not very receptive.  Will just allow time and more life experiences to show him what I meant.

PS: The weekends were my first time watching a F1 race.  Was supporting Alonso purely because I felt bad for him that he had to start off from the 15th position due to his car problem in the qualifying round.  So, Alonso-antis, pls don’t throw eggs at me   Anyway, after the weekends, I have become a F1 convert   But still have no driver in particular that I want to support.  But I usually love the underdogs   Meanwhile, we will be saving up for next year’s race (hopefully!)

Anyway, really proud of Singapore for putting up such a great event!  REALLY WORK SINGAPORE!!!

我不要妒忌

Borrowed this book from the library and read it to Mr E during our bedtime reading.  Spoke about jealousy with Mr E and heard surprising things from him.

Me: Have you ever felt jealous?

E: Ya.

Me: Oh! When?

E: When Z was borned and you were spending so much time with her.

Me: Oh, are there other things that make you jealous?

E: When J (his younger cousin) was borned and everybody were only concerned about her.

I was quite stunned.  I thought he would be jealous over other things, but never expected to hear him saying these.

On Z, E was only 2.5yo when she was borned, that was quite long time ago.  Even if he was jealous, I figured that by now, he should have forgotten how he felt than.  On J, his younger cousin, he has never really behaved in a jealous manner.  In fact, Z probably manifested her jealousy more than E.  So his answer really came as a surprise to me.

Me: “Mummy is very surprise that you are jealous over J since you look like you are jealous.”

E: “I WAS!  But I tried to distract myself and make myself busy with other things mah.”

This is another “shocker”!  He was only about 4.5yo when J was borned, and he was managing his own emotion in such mature way already!

Me: “Than, are you still jealous over Z now?”

E: “Mmmm… nope.”

Me: “Why?”

E: “Because you always try to be fair with Z and I, and spend time with me too.”

PHEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW……….  Felt a huge surge of relief upon hearing that!!!

At least, this means that on his end, he doesn’t have ill feelings towards Z.  It also means that I’m on the right track to reduce sibling rivalry between EZ.

It was really a great chatting time between E and I.  I thought I know him, but I realised no, I don’t know him enough.  It is a good wake up call to stop assuming that E is the same baby that I once held in my arms.  He has grown up, and is another individual who constantly has his own thoughts and will.

But this is only E’s end.  Will have to find the right opportunity to ‘dig’ things out from Z. Shall wait for the right chance.

Bedtime – Great For Sibling Bonding

I thought my kiddos will only start bedtime chit chats when they are much older.  But this last few weeks, after coming out from their bedroom, I have been hearing both of them chatting with each other.

I tried to eavesdrop , but can’t hear the content.  Was concern that they may chat and chat, or play and play till late, but it is un-found cause there will always be silence after a while.

Its just so so so sweet!

Its like 2 good friends sharing about their day before going to bed.  I thought such will only happen to siblings of same sex. I’m glad that there is no barrier between EZ.

More tips on better sibling relationship (Just sharing what helps in our household)

Night-Time Bonding

I really believe in night-time bonding, not just between parent-child, but also among the siblings.  This is why since the early days, EZ been sharing the same room.  Both feel lonely and miss each other badly whenever either one is not sleeping in the room with them.

EZ refused to sleep on their own beds, but want to sleep on the floor with each other.

Bedtime Prayer

“Dear God, thank you for making my gor-gor’s eyes stop blinking today…,” Ms Z prayed.

Another heartwarming thing to hear – ie, when they see each other’s needs, pray for each other, and give thanks to God for prayers answered without any prompting from me.

Everynight, EZ and I take turn to pray.  I believe our ritual night-time prayer encourages the siblings to be sensitive to each other’s needs, and also sensitive to God’s grace and hands upon us every single day.

And when the sibling hear the other praying for him/her, it makes them feel loved by their bro/sis too.  EZ will always be so happy that they will give their sweetest “Thank you gor gor/mei mei for praying for me” to each other.

(Will share in another post on how we pray at night.)

Just let them chat

I do notice that ever since EZ started chit-chatting at night, they have also been quarrelling lesser.

Mummy is not needed!

We have cuddling time everynight.  But few nights back, both EZ were so happy and contented with each other that they didn’t need me at all!  One of them even said, “Mummy, you don’t have to cuddle us.  We cuddle each other.”

Actually, i’m a little jealous …  hee hee…

On the same note

We were strolling with our homeschool playgroup on Wednesday.  I noticed Mr E holding Ms Z’s hand and walking with her.  That night, I told him I was proud of him for taking care of mei mei.

He said,”Aunty B said we are suppose to find the bugs in a team, so I just want to team up with my mei mei.”

Ahhhhhhhhh……………..  cannot take it!!!!!!!!!!!!  He is really very sweeeeeeeeeeeeettttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have I shared that Mr E ever said he only want to marry his sister???

Having said all these…

There are still time when they are selfish and refuse to be nice to each other, when they quarrel and refuse to give in, when they simply want to give each other trouble…. Part and parcel of family and human nature!

Related post on fostering better sibling relationship : Its nice when they are nice

Blink blink blink!!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MR E’S EYES!!!!!

He has been having teary eyes since the Hungry Ghost month. He doesn’t has it everyday, but very often now.  I’m sure that it is not bad habit since I can see that his eyes can sometimes become reddish and teary.

Doctor says it is allergy, but it has been happening A LOT!!!!!!!!!!! And if it is really allergy, why did it only started to become so bad this last 2 months?  And if it is allergy, wouldn’t it be hard on him if he has to be constantly taking antihistamine?

The doctor has checked his eye sight, and it is ok.

Arrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhh……………  Sometimes I really wish I’m a doctor!!!!!!!!!!!  Will make appointment with an eye specialist if it still doesn’t clear by end of the week.

I’M LOST!!!!!!!!!!!

(Anyone any experience in this?)

“The Soup Spoon” at home

Why do children generally have a better liking for the ‘ang moh’ food compared to our traditional Chinese dinner?

Dinner today was beef stew that I cooked, top with freshly baked baguette from Delifrance.  Both EZ ate up their dinner without fuss, nagging, pushing, etc etc etc!  And they were both saying: “Wow… Soup Spoon at home!” (All of us LOOOOOOOVE dining at The Soup Spoon! )

And for dinner last Saturday, I made baked potatoes (top with sour-cream and bacon bits), corns, chicken, and top with steam broccoli, and it was ‘ultra-popular’ with the children (my EZ, nephew and niece), plus adults too!!!

Uh… not forgetting my mother-in-law who LOOOOOOOOOOVES my Pasticcio too!!! Even asked me how to make!  (Well, she came for lunch last month, I figured that I can’t beat her in Chinese food, so I made ‘ang-moh’ food for her )

So… its not just children… even adults want a change on what goes onto their dining table… Looks like I got to brush up on my ang-moh style cooking…

What is the kingdom of heaven?

Kingdom of Heaven is in heaven?

I have always thought that the “kingdom of heaven” is in heaven when we die.  But Ps Lawrence Khong’s recent message on “The Magnificent Obsession” is making me think otherwise.

What does the bible says?

Did a search in the New Testament on the word “kingdom”, and Luke 17:20-21 caught my eyes:

“Once, having been asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, “The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’ because the kingdom of God is within you.” ~ Luke 17:20-21

I further did a search on the meaning of ‘within’ in Greek:::

within – within your soul

ie, I am suppose to be the kingdom of heaven!!!!

What should the kingdom of heaven be like than?

In Matthew 13, Jesus gave many parables on what is the kingdom of heaven like:

• Its like a man who sow seeds – some stolen, some can’t grow, some choked and some produces a crop that yields.
• Its like a mustard seed – small seed but grows to be the largest of garden plants giving support to those around.
• Its like yeast – that causes the dough to grow, thus influencing those around to grow.
• Its like a treasure hidden in the field, and also like fine pearls.
• Its like a net – that catches fish, both good and bad fish.

Me???

It finally clicked within me, that me, the one whose sins have been cleansed and forgiven because Jesus has taken the punishment on my behalf,:

• is the one who has the kingdom of heaven within my soul.
• is suppose to be a seed that grow and produce a crop – ie, multiply and influence those around me in the positive way
• is suppose to be the largest garden plant that gives shelter to those in need.
• is suppose to be a catalyst, just like a yeast, that causes others to grow.
• is suppose to be a TREASURE, A FINE PEARL that people will see in me! (we are also treasures in God’s eyes, but in this context, the bible specifically says, “a man” found it.)
• is suppose to be a net that catches people into the kingdom of heaven, some will believe, while others will not.

This really look hopeless.  I don’t think I’m even doing 1/tenth of it.

“Freely you receive, freely give”

I have been getting despondent with how terrible the world is now, but, like what Ps Khong said, irregardless of where we are and what we do, we are to bring down the ‘kingdom the heaven’ into the world, and we can make a difference. For those working, they can influence their working environment, for the students, their classrooms, for the home-makers, our neighborhood, etc etc.

And so many times, Christians only focus on telling pre-believers to go to their churches’ this and that, and if I were to put myself on the pre-believers’ shoes, that act itself really put me off knowing who Christ is.

But when Jesus sent out the twelve, he instructed the 12 to preach that ‘the kingdom of God is here’.  He didn’t tell them to go call people to church.   Jesus wanted the disciples to ‘heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons.  Freely you have receive, freely give.” (Matthew 10:7-8)  He wanted them to bless without strings attached!!!!

Actually, the darker the world is, the brighter our lights can be, no matter how small it is.  If only we shine.

My Prayer

“Lord, I confess, I have not been what the kingdom of heaven is suppose to be.  I have not been a positive impact to the people around me. Make me the kingdom, where I can be a crop producing seed, a shelter, a catalyst, a treasure, a fine pearl and a net for you, so as to bring a positive influence in this fallen world.”

“Our Father in heaven,

Hallowed be your name,

Your kingdom come,

Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one.”

~ Matthew 6:9-13

EZ say… and a glimpse of what they want

When I grow up

E: I want to be a scientist…

Z: I want to be a mummy…

(Ms Z now speaks in a very sing-song manner… Very cute… I always enjoy hearing her talks that way… Got to treasure it before it is gone…)

On family

E: When I grow up, I don’t want to have a job where I’m always away from home.  I want to stay with my family.

(Not difficult to know why he thinks this way, and a very clear sign that he wants his daddy to be home with him more.  Arrrrrghhhhh…. I need the male figure at home!!!  And that day when Ms Z was hugging her “姑丈”, ie my BIL – husband’s sister’s husband, it just makes me feel sad that their daddy are always away from them.  How to have no. 3 right?)

On Disciplining

E: And I will not punish my children, I will just tell them…

Me: What if they don’t listen?

E: Er… than still talk lor (He just smile…)

Me: What if they still don’t listen, like sometimes you and Z?

E: Don’t know…

(Anyway… ok Mr E, I got it… I try to talk to you more okie… let’s see if you listen…)

As I type this, a discussion between Mr E and I few days back came to my mind.  That day, I managed to persuade Mr E to do something without him feeling negatively (even though he was reluctant initially).  Hmmm… I get his point, will talk talk talk…

A Test on Truthfulness

Background

My first lesson with my new tuition student started on Monday.  Prior to that, the only problem I know about the girl is that she needs help in Math.  But on Monday, I realised the specific area is “Mental Calculations” (心算).

The Struggle within – To Tell or Not to Tell

Although I do help students with Math, but I really don’t know how to help when the problem is purely Mental Calculation.  However, I know of classes around that specialises in teaching this.

So, here’s the test: To tell the mummy (who is my friend) about the specialised class and risk loosing a student and income, or go ahead to keep her girl as my student but risk loosing my conscience and her trust for me.

The selfish side of me wanted to keep quiet about the class.  But the Holy Spirit (or the world calls it – conscience) simply  won’t let me go till I do what is right.  finally told myself “Just tell her what is available, be truthful, don’t worry, and God will provide.”

Felt so liberated with the decision.  Went on to get the information on the class, spoke to the mummy, and told them my recommendation, ie – Go for the specialist, they can help her daughter better.

The blessings for those who follows His way

Today, after dinner, the mummy came to my home (she is my neighbor who lives in the same block).  Showed me her daughter’s English Test Paper and said

“Now I need your help with her English.”

Cause she failed her English Test.  And they insisted that I help her daughter with Math too.

God indeed provides!

Walking in Obedience

This is not merely a test on whether I’m honest or not.  But, whether I will listen and obey the leading from the Spirit of God.  It is such a small temptation that involves merely a few hundred dollars of tuition fees.  (Hei,  I do need the extra income, every little helps.)  But if I can’t pass the small tests, will I make it when bigger ones come along? And I also believe faith is built upon small victories. I would have missed out on the opportunity to see His hands at work if I decided not to tell the truth.

“Therefore, brothers, we have an obligations – but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it.  For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.” ~ Romans 8:12-14

I pray I will always obey Him when he speaks, and I will always be sensitive to his still, small voice, for so many times, the voices from the world is so loud, that it deafens our ears to His voice.

Sidenote

My strategy to use the B4FIAR story books as a medium to tutor English has indeed paid back.

One of my students, whose English was also a boarderline case, just told me today that he borrowed an English storybook from the library.  What’s the big deal?!!! Well, normally, he only borrows Chinese storybooks! So, the fact that he started to have an interest in English books show that he is gaining confidence and liking it!  Yay!!!!

In my opinion, teaching English will not bring the student far, but giving them a love for books, in this case – English storybooks, will bring them further.

(How I wish I can do the same with Chinese on Mr E )

A letter to my helper…

She did that to me again, and today, it became worse.  She threw temper and threw the mattress.  I love her, but this is getting out of hands.  And I have given her the ultimate term, but with lots of tears.

Here’s my letter to my domestic helper…

Dear Ev,

I’m sorry that you have to work with an employer who is fussy. I’m sorry that I want to be in control of how things are done. Its not easy to work with people like that, and I’m very appreciative and thankful for having you with us. I have always been fully aware of my demanding nature, which is why I appreciate you and I’m thankful for you. I like you and have never dislike you. I’m know my weaknesses, but I also know my strength.

For one, I show true concern to you. I’m concern for your welfare and as much as I can, I try to give you what I can within my means. As you are with us for more than 3 years already, I am also giving you a lot more freedom than you used to have. The reason for doing so is because as far as I can, I want to treat you the way I want to be treated. Eg,

• you work from morning till night, which is more than 12 hours. I’m fully aware it’s hard job. Even Singaporean are giving 1 hour lunch break. So when you are out running errands for me, I don’t want to be strict about how long you take to be back.  For me, as long as the job is done, everything is ok. And for your info, there are employers who don’t like it, and they scold when the helper take too long to come home
• Your wake up time – I know you don’t wake up that early nowadays.  Many times even overslept. Again, I’m not bothered, as long as jobs are done.
• Phone call at night – You know very well that making phone calls till so late affect your work.  But you are an adult, and I shouldn’t be telling you what time to sleep.  I’m aware that many times you use the phone till past midnight, but I have been keeping my mouth shut even though I know it is not wise.
• Even things like giving you 6 weeks holiday. It was very inconvenient for me. But because I understand you, and I want you to enjoy your children, I endure the difficult 6 weeks, so that you and your family can be happy.
• Being a mum myself, when you renew your contract, I’m even prepared to give you an addition 2 weeks paid holiday after completing 1 year with us. This mean, when your new contract starts in June 2009 after you are back from your holiday, in June 2010, which will be 1 yr after your renewed contract, I plan to give you an addition 2 weeks paid holiday back home, air tickets paid, and you will still be given your 2 weeks’ salary for not working.

All these, purely because I know, I care and I understand. Since I started teaching, I can afford to bless, and I don’t want to keep the blessings to myself, but to bless those that are important to me and my family.

Many times, I feel really bad for being a fussy person and also for being quick-temper. Yes, I used to get angry and impatient easily, and I’m still very fussy about how jobs are done. BUT, as I sit down to think, I now seldom get angry with you. When things are not done the way I want, I have been doing my best to tell you without scolding you.

I accept weaknesses, since I’m not a perfect human. I can accept it when it is only black-face. But, please, Ev, don’t take this for granted. From giving me black face, I now have to bear with your out-right audible mumbling, and even throwing temper. (like when you throw the mattress this afternoon). What I’m sad and disappointed about is, instead of having a better attitude, it is turning from bad to worse. And these actions are really rude. It is something that I will not do when I work for people. It is unacceptable.

We have always been honest with each other, and I believe you know that it is good for us. This way, you will always know what did you do wrong, and you know that I will not hold things in my heart against you. But, when you always give me black face, it becomes very difficult for me to be honest with you, and I have started to keep things to myself. There are things that I am not happy, but I didn’t say. Not because it’s ok with me, but because I don’t want to have someone showing me black face. I even have to resort to getting Ethan to speak to you, because I am tired of being treated this way.

I don’t need a perfect person, but I need a good attitude. If my employee cannot be corrected, and if everytime I tell my helper to do something, I have to be given a black-face, it is also very difficult for me, and I don’t deserve such treatment. As someone with quick temper, I am already doing what I can, and I know that I have improved. But it just doesn’t make sense that I’m being treated this way from my employee.

You should know that life for you as a helper with me is becoming easier now. You have more freedom, you have gained trust, and you are not being watched or treated like a slave like many other maids. In fact, we are treating you as a human, just like any other Singaporean working here, not as a maid. If you decide to leave and go to a new employer, you have to build everything from the start. It is moving backward by 3 years. And if you decide to go back to The Philippines and don’t be a helper anymore, financially will be problem because you haven’t saved up much money. What you have now, can only last you at most 3 months.

I still like you, and I still want you to work for me. But I strictly do not allow rude attitude. I need behaviors like mumbling and throwing of temper to be stopped. You have to be committed to change. I want you to stay, but only when you give your commitment to change.

To stay or leave, it’s up to you. Think about the good and the bad sides. We love you, and it is very hard to throw away a 3yr relationship. I’m all prepared to have you as our helper for a long long time, just like your cousin did with her employer. I’m working, and I know I can afford it now. I don’t want to end our good friendship sourly. We have come to a point where we understand and accept each other’s weaknesses. We try to understand when the other person is tired, we try to give each other space to breathe. We are learning to live together, just like married couples do. And of course, just like married couples, we even quarrel. I have always been open to you telling me your unhappiness, but still, I do expect it to be done in a proper manner, not mumbling behind silently right in front of me, and not throwing tantrum.

I don’t need you to be perfect. But just like I’m committed to change to be an employer who talk to you without anger, to give you freedom, to be less quick-tempered, etc,  I also need your commitment to change to someone with a better attitude

I will give you some time to think about it. Please let me know by Wednesday, 17^th Sep, what will be your decision, whether you want to break your 2 years to leave my family, or continue working for us but with a commitment to have a better attitude. It is your choice. And if you need more time to think about it, it is ok with me too. Just let me know when you have decided. Hopefully before Sunday latest.

Thank you and With love,

Delci